And because, really, aren't two small creatures enough?

Seven-year-old boy: Why didn't you get a dog?
Exhausted-looking young mother: Because my daughter wanted a cat.

-- Bellevue Kroger, Bellevue KY

overheard by Travis

Save It For Sunday School

Singing School Kids : "99 bottles of beer on the wall/99 bottles of beer ... "
Nervous Nellie School Marm: "Boys, didn't I tell you we're not going to sing about beer?"

-- Near the Observatory

Happy Mother's Day, Cincinnati

Stylist #1: Is this his mother?
Stylist #2: No ... that's a picture of Dolly Parton.

-- Salon LA, Rookwood Pavilion

Rookwood: So Ghetto

Stylist Guy: Here, I've fixed your clippers. I had to put a little ghetto tape on them, just to hold the super glue. Once the glue dries, I can take off the tape... so they don't look so ghetto.

-- Salon LA, Rookwood Pavilion

Making The Call

Random Bar Guy: Griffey is gonna knock that home run and THEN WE'RE GETTING SHOTS!!!

-- Second Street Saloon

That's Just What We Call Uncle Frank

Little Girl: Mom, what's a donkey?
Mom: It's a farm animal, like a mule. It's a cross between a horse, I think, and a...
Little Girl: No, what's another word for donkey? Shannon told me and it's a bad word.
Mom: Oh. Was that word "ass"?
Little Girl: No.
Mom: What word was it then?
Little Girl: "A-hole".

-- Starbucks, Columbia Parkway

No, I'm fairly certain it's the lame fecal references

Mom #1: My baby poops every time we come here.
Mom #2: It must be because ballet bores the crap out of her. Ha!

-- Dance Express, Newport

Mmm, whole grains

Little Girl: Sissy's fanny smells like Cheerios!

-- Walmart, Eastgate

Mt Lookout Random Sobriety Checkpoint

Preppy guy: (murmurs to girlfriend)
Preppy girl: No SHIT! I was drunk when I left the HOUSE!

-- Zip's Cafe, Mt Lookout

The World-Renowned Zoologist Speaks

Old Lady: Them are them wet things.

-- Otter Exhibit, Cincinnati Zoo

Khakis, Pocket Ts and Bitterness

Girl #1: These pants are all too small for me!
Woman: That's because they run very small, all of the Banana Republic pants do.
Girl #1: But I always wear size 4! I'm sooo depressed!
Woman: Well, you're also shopping in the Junior section, that could be it.
Girl #1: I'm going to go try on these 6s. (Walks away)
Woman: I hate her.
Girl #2: Yeah, I'm going to have to kill her.

-- Gap Outlet, Hebron

The Woes of Mansion Life

Guy #1: The master bath is huge, but those cabinets... too modern.
Guy #2: Yeah, and that light fixture, too.
Girl: I don't think it's that bad. He just needs some color in there.
Guy #1: You can't! It's all tile. Ugh.
Guy #2: Yeah, and this room is too big. It's a long walk, just to get out of your bedroom!

-- Derby Party in Walnut Hills

Gym Pick-Up?

Guy: You use a personal trainer?
Girl: A long time ago, about a year.
Guy: I could be your trainer, I could work you over real good.
Girl: That right?
Guy: What's your name?
Girl: Alicia
Guy: Nice to meet you Alicia.
Girl: What's your name?
Guy: Darnell
Girl: Nice to meet you Darnell.

-- Norwood Fitworks

overheard by Windy Girl

New Math

Clerk: That'll be $17.01.
Woman (digging through wallet): Oh, I can't find a penny!
Clerk: That's ok, I've got one in my pocket, here.
Woman: Thanks! I feel like I should pay you a quarter for your penny.
Clerk: You got a quarter?! Why didn't you just give it to me in the first place?

-- Shell Gas Station, Norwood

What's In For Summer

Vagrant: Man, Waffle House be off the hook!

-- 8th St. Side of Cincinnati Public Library